So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
