Ambien. No doubt about it.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
