Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
