I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
