you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
