I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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