Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
