Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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