he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
