So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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