i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
