I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
