If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
