the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
