if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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