covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
This house was built for laser tag.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
