Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
