She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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