"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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