In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
