Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
