cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
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