Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
