hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
