Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
