I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
