I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
