you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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