The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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