Ambien. No doubt about it.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
