This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
