I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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