Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
