Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
