I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
