I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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