Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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