I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
