I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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