She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
