I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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