I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
