Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
