I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
