she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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