if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
