I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
