I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
