What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I will be naked everywhere
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
