oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
