So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
