i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
