Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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