for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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