Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
