if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Buhtt sex?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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