you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
