I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize