he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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