Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
