Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
