PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
