so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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