Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize