South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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