I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
