Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
