Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
