I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
