She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
